


An Unusual Combination

by MocheGoche



Category: Star Trek
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-17
Updated: 2014-07-17
Packaged: 2018-02-09 05:29:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1970715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MocheGoche/pseuds/MocheGoche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TOS universe, just some silly fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Unusual Combination

McCoy frowned at the replicator reports.  There had been an unusually large number of items ordered from the medical replicator located down the hall from sickbay.  He called up the detailed records and noticed that there were tubes of a very particular type of… edible lubricator… being replicated more than three times a week in the past month.  He wasn’t surprised to find that the time entry for these records were well into the middle of the night. 

But who the hell used up  _that_ much lube over the course of a week? He looked more intently at the order.  The flavored specified was cinnamon-pineapple.  Very unusual combination, but he supposed there were probably just some young, very experimental cadets aboard the ship at the time. 

About a week later, McCoy was up late in the sickbay observing some unstable patients when he heard footsteps coming down the hall.  When the footsteps passed sickbay and then paused, the person clearly stopping at the medical replicator, McCoy couldn’t help but take a peek, he was curious about the couple who seemed to have such a vigorous, if unorthodox personal life. 

He was greeted by the sight of his captain, in a white t-shirt and federation black slacks, casually entering the code for the cinnamon-pineapple flavor. 

“I should have known.” McCoy smirked at Jim, coming up behind him.  “Who is this new exotic lady in your life?” McCoy tried to remember which females he had seen the captain spending time with lately.  None came to mind, as the captain seemed to spend most of his time with his first officer.  However, Kirk was not always blatant about his affections, so it was quite possible that McCoy had never even seen his current female friend. 

If the captain was startled by McCoy’s intrusion, he hid it well.  Grinning, he waved the silver tube in front of the medical officer’s face. 

“None of your business, McCoy.”  He seemed to be in a bit of a hurry though, walking briskly down the hall away from McCoy with a cheery, “good night Len!”

Hmmm… McCoy wondered whom this girl could be, that the captain was so anxious to get back to. 

More weeks passed, and McCoy was no closer to solving the mystery of his captain’s liaison.  He did note, however, that not only did the captain seem to be in an exceptionally good mood nearly  _all the time_ , but that the orders of that specific “product” continued.  With the amount of tubes that Jim seemed to be going through, McCoy was surprised that the man could still walk straight. 

The crew’s scheduled physicals were coming up, and McCoy had Spock at the front of the list, knowing how much the first officer disliked being “checked over” when was “perfectly aware of his prime physical condition.”

McCoy was still surprised that Spock arrived to the checkup five minutes late.  No matter how he felt about the physical, Spock was generally extremely punctual.

“I apologize for the delay Doctor, a situation with the captain prevented me from arriving on time.” 

“That’s alright Spock, I’m sure it was important.”  McCoy had Spock sit on the examination table, and only then did he notice that the Vulcan’s cheeks were flushed slightly, a green tinge coloring his complexion, and that he was breathing slightly more rapidly than normal. 

“Are you okay Spock?” He took Spock’s hands carefully and started to take his pulse. 

“I assure you Doctor, I am functioning completely optimally.” Spock cocked an eyebrow when McCoy paused in his examination to inhale.  McCoy’s brow furrowed. 

“Spock, you smell unusual…  almost like cinnamon…” The good Doctor’s expression became horrified, and he dropped Spock’s hand abruptly.  “And pineapples?”  His eyes bulged.

“OH MY GOD!”

Spock did not seem confused when the doctor ran out of the medical bay to decontaminate the hand that had been touching Spock’s, screaming profanities.  He allowed himself a small smile.  It seemed he had escaped his physical.    He hit the intercom button to his captain’s room. 

“Captain, I may suggest you adorn some clothing.  There is a 97.3% likelihood that McCoy will be demanding entrance to your quarters momentarily, and I believe remaining in your current state would serve to traumatize him further.  “

Sure enough, after  _very_ thoroughly washing both his arms of any contact he may have had with the disheveled Vulcan, McCoy marched right over to Jim’s quarters and banged on the door. 

“Come in,” he heard the muffled reply from inside, and the doors slid open. 

Captain Kirk was just pulling a shirt on over his head when McCoy stormed in. 

“Ah, McCoy,” He smirked, and then spoke as if there was nothing out of the ordinary.  “Mr. Spock seems to think there is something you wish to discuss with me.” 

Dr. McCoy was so flustered that all he managed for a few minutes was yet another loud string of profanities.  He didn’t noticed Spock entering the room until the Vulcan came around to stand next to Jim, his expression torn between concern and amusement. 

“Captain, I do believe we have caused our good Doctor a measure of distress.” The captain laughed at that, and McCoy watched, horrified, as Spock leaned down and quickly  _kissed_  his commanding officer on the lips. 

“Jim, I have repeatedly told you how appealing that laughter is.”

“I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE!” McCoy exploded.  Spock raised an eyebrow. 

“I am aware of that doctor. Have you never witnessed two individuals kiss before?  I was under the impression that in your culture it is a most frequent occurrence. ” 

McCoy could only stare, his entire face turning red in his rage, huffing loudly.  He took a deep calming breath, tried to speak, and failed.  Kirk grinned at Spock.

“It’s a good thing I convinced him not to come check on you after your pon far, I think Leonard might’ve have a heart attack if he walked in on that.” 

“STOP!” the Doctor had heard enough.  He pointed at Spock.  “YOU. Get your ass in the decontamination shower and then come back down to finish your physical.  NEVER EVER come down to sickbay if you haven’t showered after…. after…. ” he couldn’t seem to finished his thought, and the confrontation had become too much for him.  He turned on his heel and all but ran out of the captain’s room. 

Spock’s hands reached over and rested on Jim’s neck.  “Do you think I should shower immediately?” He murmured into Jim’s ear.

“No Spock, I think McCoy needs some time to collect himself before facing you again.  “ The captain pulled Spock towards him by the waist.  “But I think I can figure out some way to occupy our time while we wait.” 

“Most logical captain.” 

Spock did not return to sickbay for another four hours. 

_The end!_


End file.
